Whatever writing advice you pick up or click on, I can almost guarantee this overworked piece of advice will be there. But what does it mean? Surely a writer’s job is to tell a story! Yes it is but you’ll want to tell it in an interesting way for the reader, won’t you?
‘Jack and Jill went up the hill, etc’ is a story – it has a Beginning, Middle and End. Be honest, though; it’s not written in an attention-grabbing way, is it?
So, what is this little nugget of advice trying to tell you? I think what its creator was saying is; use this as a writing philosophy – display, demonstrate, entertain, catch the eye, keep it interesting. Another cliché often used is ‘paint a picture’. What should happen between you and the reader to bring it about? Your contract with a reader is to give them an intriguing story written in a believable and realistic way.
The aim is to make your writing more vivid, alive and fascinating for your reader. Show them in words what you, the writer, can see in your mind’s eye. Showing helps them to see, feel and experience the moment as you have done. However, be careful. I’ve been told one of the biggest complaints in some reader surveys is: ‘Too much Description.’
Here are some simple examples of Showing vs Telling . . .
Use your Dialogue
Your story will have conversations between characters. Make them work for you by using descriptive language and phrases for the dialogue and associated actions. Think about replacing prose with dialogue. Example from ‘Smash the Code’.
Telling: The hacker was an over-confident young man.
Showing: ‘Now it’s the challenge and the rep, the name,’ Larry continued, ‘It’s like everyone knows me and how good I am. X-ploder One, the kid who blows apart the bigger sites.’
Telling: ‘I really do love you,’ Anna trilled.
Showing: ‘I love you,’ she said, her voice smooth as she stroked his solid gold Rolex.
Be descriptive
We all learnt about using adverbs and adjectives in our school days. In modern writing we don’t use them as much as we were taught. Showing is not only about those descriptive words but about choosing the correct words to get over your meaning. Beware, don’t overdo it otherwise everything sounds like a brochure description. Example from ‘Smash the Code’.
Telling: She sat on a chair holding her gun.
Showing: Her thumb moved as if stroking an infant’s cheek as she cradled the AK47 across her folded arms.
Telling: She was a tall woman.
Showing: The woman calling herself Joanna Bradley had ‘legs to die for’ observed envious females; desiring males used other phrases.
Some say Showing is too wordy. Yes, it can be. So, be creative – you’re a writer, after all!
Here’s an example from a recent short story of mine . . .
Charlie got a surprise just as she was swallowing a spoonful of porridge.
Telling: Porridge splattered all over the breakfast table.
Showing: Spluuurt!
In this case, one word replaces seven. Spluuurt! tells the reader all they need to know; their imagination will do the rest.
Be specific
If you have an opportunity to avoid being vague, take it.
Robbie had never felt so lonely. Too vague! Try to describe what that feeling was like in his mind, his heart, his body. Draw on your own experience of feeling that way.
Rosie was a talented guitarist. Too vague! Help the reader to feel her passion, to hear the audience cheering, to see her fingers on the strings. Draw on your own feelings of excitement doing something you love.
Appeal to All Senses
To get your readers involved in the scene, they need to not only see but also hear, taste, smell, touch and feel the situation as the characters do. Try to write descriptions that use senses other than sight. Help the reader to savour the wine, suffer the itchy jumper, breathe the perfume. Example from ‘Smash the Code’.
Telling: The woman was suffering the after effects of the explosion.
Showing: At some point the woman became aware of blue flashing lights above as she lay on her side. Her nostrils were full of the smell of the battlefield. She saw shadows moving a short distance away but could hear nothing beyond the hissing in her ears.
You get the idea.
Editing
This doesn’t mean you have to ‘Show’ with everything you write. There are times when ‘Tell’ is more appropriate to keep the pace moving. For example: Your protagonist is suspended from an icy ledge on a Tibetan mountain by one frayed thread of her rope. This may not be the best time to treat the reader to a description of the amazing scenery at twenty thousand feet.
Keep an eye on things when editing your own work; places where you might have over or underdone the showing/telling mix.
For another view on this subject, take a look at my blog in CONTROVERSY CORNER on Show, Don’t Tell – Busting the Rules!
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